Radical Self Love: My own experiment

I watched a TedTalk recently about “radical self love” after talking about the idea with Rose Tyler.  Radical self love is the response to the cultural pressures we face every day to “radically hate” ourselves through constant criticisms (which come from ourselves and others) negative talk (towards ourselves and others) and a denial of compliments, love, and positive talk (…from ourselves and others). 

The manifesto to the woman who created “radical self love,” Gala, is as follows:

“Strive to always be thankful and optimistic.  Focus your gaze on what is good & positive; never dwell on the negative.  Do not allow your life to make you cynical or closed off.  Remaining open & true to yourself is a life-long adventure, & the only one worth having.  Choose to see the best in people.  Never be afraid to ask for what you really, really want.  To love, purely & fiercely, without agenda, is the most terrifying & rewarding thing you’ll ever do.  Travel is essential to the spirit.  A pear of great shoes means nothing if you have an ugly heart.  Try your hardest not to judge anyone else; it never leads anywhere good.  Always avoid tabloids & gossip; they destroy the soul.  Be kind & loyal.  Many things in this world are more important than money.  Always trust your intuition, always.  Rescue animals, it will strengthen your heart.  Never delight in anyone else’s misery.  Trust in others.  You are your own best investment.   Believe in the magic of a new day & a fresh start.  Follow your bliss.  Do more of what you love.  Always do the best you can.  Create your own family & care for them ferociously.  When people offer you opportunities that scare you, say yes: it’s the very best way to grow.  You are never as stuck as you think.  Stay eager.  Love yourself.  Say yes to the adventure of life.”

In the TedTalk, Gala talks about some ways to put this manifesto to practice in your life.  Take notes of the compliments you get, write a list of “thankful on Thursday,” avoiding tabloids, and keeping a book of the things that you see in yourself as beautiful, to look at any time you feel like shit. 

Here’s the TedTalk if you want to watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFXHYtY9ag8&feature=player_embedded

I surround myself with intellectuals.  I, myself, am an intellectual.  (This blog is based on a theory from cultural anthropology, for Crisssakes.) As such, if I’m not going through an existential crisis, one of my friends is. If I’m not bombarded with critiques and “it’s not good enough” or “no, I haven’t read that yet” or “shit, I guess I really don’t understand that theory,” then I must have my fuck-it switch on. 

At one point, my last year of grad school coursework, the negativity was so bad in our office, our boss put up a sign that said “Go TAS! You Rock!” along with bubbles, crayons, and candy.  Yes, it really did brighten the mood.

So as an intellectual (an existential, self-criticizing, and often negative intellectual), I’ve decided to take some suggestions from Gala, and do some Radical Self Love. This is my list of things that I find beautiful about me.

1)   I am an intellectual. Yeah it makes me negative, which is why I have to do some radical self love in the first place, but I think my brain makes me beautiful. I’ve always been proud of being the smart kid, but as Gala states, we aren’t really allowed to be proud of these things.  So often I say “no, I’m really not that smart,” or “I just like to read.” But no, I have a damn good (and complex) thesis that’s taken me a long time to finish- partly because I took on a lot. I’m smart, dammit.

2)    I have a great sense of humor.  You can tell by how much I laugh. J

3)   I have bright blue eyes. If you catch me in the right light, they are actually quite striking.

4)   I have a lovely smile with great teeth- you know I’ve never had to have braces?  I’m really lucky that my teeth grew in naturally straight and appropriately portioned

5)   I don’t really care if you like big girls or not, I have a great ass. And boobs.  They’re big….but they’re nice.

6)   I think a lot and I’m very logical, but I’m also an empath. I feel, and I feel all the feels (I really am a true green-blue).  When I love, I love hard, I love deep (that goes for friends, family, and otherwise).  When you tell me your problems, I fucking feel them.  On occasion, I hate this, because feelings are really hard. But I do truly believe this is one of the things that makes me beautiful.

So….that list is really hard to write. When you are so used to finding your flaws and what you could improve on yourself, writing what you like about yourself (especially physically) is a challenge, especially knowing this will be public.

I want to see your list. Go public with me.  Tell the world why you love you.

Tell me in the comments, if you wish: what do you think makes you beautiful?