Wednesday, January 16, 2013

"I'm going to finish him like a cheesecake": Pitch Perfect and Self-Deprication



I’ve been reflecting over the last two blogs I’ve posted about fat shaming, online dating, perceptions of bisexuality, and the degradation of women solely due to the anonymity of the online forum. 

I find it fascinating that my most popular posts thus far have been the unapologetically righteously angry ones.  I don’t think the writing is necessarily any better (although it is in a different form), and the subject certainly has the potential to be offensive.  For awhile I couldn’t really understand why everyone seemed to like that one more than everything else I’ve written, until this past weekend.

I recently watched Pitch Perfect.  If you aren’t aware of the film, it’s about competition a capella groups in college, and particularly focuses on one group: the Bellas, an all female group.  I was delightfully surprised at some of the smart and witty comedy throughout the dialogue (although I had some problems with the racial representations, particularly of the Asian-American characters.)  Another character caught my attention: Fat Amy.  “Your name is really Fat Amy?” “Yeah, I say it first so you skinny bitches don’t get a chance.”

Fat Amy has all of the best lines, in my opinion.  She also has some equally problematic lines, like “I’m going to finish him like a cheesecake,” and when everyone is running around the auditorium, you find Amy laying down in the risers to which she says “I’m horizontal running.” 

I love having a confident and prominent fat character in the film that even becomes a romantic attraction to one of the other male a capella singers; however, in order for her to become so she also has to be self-depreciating and entirely stereotypical of a fat person (loves sweets, hates exercise, etc.)

Unfortunately, the media (and as an extension, our culture), is not ready to accept a confident, beautiful, normal-eating-habits, social, sexual, successful, intelligent, all around positive fat woman character, despite their prominent existence in real culture.    

I’ve been nearly naked on stage (lace bra, nylon stockings, and nothing else). Last weekend, I showed up to a party (the theme was inappropriately sexy, and my costume was sexy Paula Deen), in a sexy bra, a very tiny skirt, and an apron.  I feel entirely confident to do so, because I am comfortable in my skin, but it doesn’t stop the shock, the looks, the stares, the comments, and the whispers, because it is so unacceptable in our culture to see fat in lingerie.

I had a conversation with Donna Noble about this a few days ago, because I’m just tired of all of it. After explaining my frustrations she said, “You know, you’re right.  It’s not fair.  I’ve considered doing some dating myself, and just like you I’m fine with who I am, but I know for a fact that all of it would be easier if I weighed less, and that kinda makes me want to do it less, because it’s not right.” 

And she’s right, the petulant child in my brain says “Fine. Be that way. I’m just going to sit here and NOT DO ANYTHING! I don’t CARE! –sticks tongue out-“
The honest truth is, if I could do something about it, I might (although I’m not sure, given my current attitude towards it all).  Unfortunately, my metabolism and genetics are petulant children as well. 

“Donna Noble, I know all of that, and I’ve thought about that too, and I don’t really want to change me. I like me.  I’m actually very comfortable in my body.  But I’m angry that not one person has the balls (or ovaries, whatever) to be like ‘hey, I like you, here are some flowers, can I take you to dinner?’  And I mean, in all seriousness, a serious relationship is probably not in the cards right now, what with the thesis and the past relationship scar tissue, but I don’t think I’m asking for much.  I mean, let me tell you something, nobody has ever bought me flowers.  Not even Pat.”

-------

I’m not letting you all into this conversation because I want a pity party for myself.  I’m making the point here that fatness has an incredible impact on the way you are viewed and treated in our culture, regardless of any other quality you may possess (intelligence, confidence, other conventional standards of beauty, education, charisma, wealth, etc.).  It is all null and void if you are fat, according to our culture.  In fact, the only way you can get around that, so says media, is if you acknowledge that your other attributes are null and void, and become self-hating.  Being proud of who you are? Absolutely not. 

In fact, this, I believe is the reason my last two posts were the most read.  There is something about fat shaming that people seem to identify with, because everyone is self-conscious in some regard.  Online dating, unfortunately magnifies that times a thousand, because you have anonymity and distance.  There are no consequences to ignoring someone because they look fat in their picture, or by replying in a message “you don’t really have the body type I’m looking for,” or “are you DTF? I’m into all body types, so it’s cool.” 

So my challenge to all of you: look beyond it. You might say “I do!” Most likely, you don’t. I mean really look beyond it.
Here’s your test: Find a fat person.  What makes that person beautiful/handsome/attractive?
If everything on that list is about their personality, you fail.
(“Hey, Ani, that’s pretty shallow.”) No, actually that makes you shallow. If you can’t find one physical thing about a person that is beautiful/handsome/attractive if they are fat, it means you can’t look at a person physically if he or she is fat. That is shallowness, because it means the only physical attribute you can identify as attractive is being thin or built.  Go forth! Look beyond. I dare you. 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Online Dating and Angry Poetry: Part 2


If you have never done online dating before, some of the messages people send may shock you. 
They shocked me. 

So in continuation of the last post, I present another angry poem, mostly comprised of real first messages from people.  Copy pasted directly from my inbox.

Title: “I like your profile, want to fuck?”

Hey, I'm Stephen, I like your profile. You seem like a pretty awesome person.
My afternoon is going alright.
You seem really cool
Do you smoke weed?

Hi.

You look fun.
Hey how are you

Alright, so this is an important question, from which I like to draw the most absurd of conclusions:
If your life depended on it, would you rather choose to fend off 100 kitten sized velociraptors without weapons in a empty field, or 2 large Utahraptors in a gladiatorial arena with onlookers and available weapons?

Hey so I have to say you are very beautiful and from what I read you seem like an amazing girl. I'd love the chance to chat and get to know you better. Would you like to chat?
Signature: Life is a grave, I dig it. 

Hi.

Hi there! I really enjoyed your profile. Any interes in getting to know one another?

Hi.

hey!! i got an email from the system saying that you were a potential match. so i figured i would at least check your profile out, and at least say hi. who knows where a 'hi' can go right? Hope that you had a GREAT Christmas as well..
hi! By the way I’m married.

Hi.

I really really really really really really really enjoyed reading your profile ^_^. You seem very chill and down-to-earth and def. my type of girl. I would love the chance to talk if you are interested. I am a very chill, laid back, geeky, funny, outgoing, confident nerd.

I would rather relax at home, play some video games, watch good shows, sip on wine, and have good conversations with good people than go out every night.

If you are interested please don't hesitate to write back and chat... bye for now! ^_^

Hi.

Hey!

Hey there!

Hi! Hey! How are ya!

Hey, how are you? My name is Deen and I will like to know you. A little about me, I'm fun to be with, funny and silly. I work and go to school full time. I go to UNT also. Anyway, hope to hear from you soon.

Hey!

I totally loved your bio, there are quite a few things on your profile that I find awesome, I am a bit intimated by your job. I feel I am a intelligent man, but I never pursued studies much. I have always like working with my hands to much. I absolutely love the picture of you with pink hair. I have quite a few tattoos, neck, arms, hands, I love my body art. I love archer, and zombies, I read like most people watch tv. Sci Fi, historical fiction. Well I think that is enough for now. Let me know if your interested in chatting.

Hi, I'm David. I was about to ask what you teach, however a quick glance at your profile answers that question for me. I'm a quick one! I do have a question though, what exactly is rhetoric in the academic sense?

Hey their you are very cute, loved your profile i would love to know more about you

Hey! So I’m looking for a FWB kind of situaton, are you dtf? I’m into all body types.

We have an insane match percentage! Also, you are awesome.

Hi.

I read your profile and like what it says. Perhaps you could read mine and consider me as a potential new friend?

---------

How can I put this plainly?
I’m not DTF, desperate, interested in married men, or stupid enough to believe you are just interested in friendship. 
I’m picky, and I have every right to be.
I’m not likely to respond to a message that simply says “hi.” 
The devil may be in the details
But the devil is shielded in vagueness.

How can I put this plainly?
No. 

How can I put this plainly?
I am not a toy
A trophy
A conquest
A piece of meat
A last resort

I am human and I need to be loved!
Just like everybody else does!

How can I put this plainly?
Your efforts exhaust me.
I’m already tired of this
Nonsense.

How can I put this plainly?
Can you just be plain with me
Instead of play with me?

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Fat Shaming, Online Dating, and Angry Poetry

----Caution, this post contains very adult material. ---

Alright, I admit it to the world.  I, Ani Lovoll, of Denton, Texas, have been....online dating....

There.  I said it.  No taking it back now.

Now, let me be clear.  I don't need a relationship in my life.  I am very comfortable with who I am, and I don't need a relationship to be happy.  I'm already happy.

I decided to try online dating because I realized I was ready for it.  I have moved on from the past and I knew my self-worth wouldn't come from whatever relationships I develop online.

A few of my experiences have been good, others have been awful.  Alright, most of my experiences have been awful.

Here's what I've had to come to grips with: I am fat, bisexual, and assertive.  This automatically places me into one of 2 categories: friend zone or slut. I am either so unattractive that people don't want to touch me with a 10 ft pole, or I am desperate for attention (because as a fat girl I clearly don't get attention, and I'm screaming for attention with the "bisexual label") and therefore easy.  I'm also assertive, and have no problem making the first move, which, you guessed it, makes me a bitch, desperate, or clingy.

I had a lot of anger coming to this realization, and I don't get angry very often.  I no longer internalize all of this and think "oh my god, people don't like me, I have to change all of this about myself."  Rather, I'm angry at everyone else for their attitude towards fatness, bisexuality, and strength in women.  I'm awesome, and it's their fault for not seeing it.

So I wrote a poem.  It's a slam poem so it's meant to be performed, please keep that in mind.  There are some attitudes that might not come across if you don't know me or if you don't see me perform it.  But I'm posting this poem because it accurately expresses the anger and frustrations of a fat girl's experiences with online dating.

I also need to cite some credit for this poem.  Part of the inspiration came from this article:
http://www.forharriet.com/2012/12/when-fat-chicks-give-better-head.html#more

One last note on the poem, it has not gone through any edits, and I still consider it a work in progress.

So here is the poem, titled "Sausage Fest 2013"


Did you know
    That fat girls give the best blow jobs?

It’s true.

See, fat girls love food, right, and what else would a fat girl desire
But a
Greasy, fat, cheddar filled sausage?

It’s true.
Fat girls give the best blow jobs because
You see
            They don’t get handed a sausage very often.

It’s true
Fat girls give the best blow jobs because
You know
            They’ll do anything to keep you around and
Keep delivering those sausages.

I for one,
Am starving.

Starving for some attention from a man
            For some
Pig of a man to hand me a porky sausage
            For some
Porky sausage to satisfy my hunger for some
            For some
Foursome?
            For some passion and want.

And baby you’ll lie
            You’ll lie next to me with nothing in mind but a lay.
Thinking… a lay and some sour cream lays? What more could a fat girl want?

You’ll lie.        
            You’ll lay down your plans
            You’ll lay out your goals
For some other girl
            While you lay me out, without a hope for more than getting laid.

You’ll lie because you clearly were the first to take a stab at this pork loin.
And the poor depressed naiive little heifer
Won’t know the fucking difference.

But I don’t care.  In fact I’m
Grateful.

Grateful for this great gift you’ve given of a great big
            Sausage.
To stuff down my throat.
As you make a comment that the only thing missing?
The dirndl.

You leave
Me
With a grin on your face and a kiss goodbye
And a gin bottle nearly empty.
Thanks.
Payment received.

Hey baby I know I said I’d see you again but I’m
Busy with my family
Going back to law school and….
Married?

Hey baby I know
I said
We had something but
What I meant was....
We,
me and that other girl.

Hey baby I know I said
We really hit it off but
What I meant was I’m going to hit it
And then take off.

Hey baby I know I said
You were beautiful
And smart
And charming
And funny
And everything I was looking for
            And it’s true.
But come on baby, couldn’t you just lose some weight?

Hey baby…
Hey baby.  Hey baby. Hey
Baby.
You’re not upset are you?
Lay down, I know just the thing that will ease your mind.

--------

You know why my milkshake brings the boys to the yard?
Who you gonna trust to really
Taste
That milkshake?
The skinny cow who takes a few sips and pushes it away? Or the big
Heifer
Who really
Devours it. Hungry for
More.

--------

I’m sorry.
I should be ashamed of myself.

What’s a fat girl like me doing talking about sex?
I should be ashamed of myself
What’s a fat girl like me doing parading my sexual prowess?
I should be ashamed of myself
What’s a fat girl like me doing? Being fat
And not ashamed of it?

Right? Because you would rather
Me
Be ashamed than
You be ashamed for wanting
Me.

Somehow wanting me is a reflection on you as if
You
Were the fat one too.

It’s okay baby, just lie down, and
Lie down and
Lie.
Down in the river to pray.
Studying about that good ole way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way.

Oh sisters lets go down
Let’s go down, come on down.
Oh sisters let’s go down
Down in the river to pray.

Oh sisters lets go down
Let’s go down, come on down
Oh sisters lets go down
Let’s go down, come on down
Oh sisters lets go down
Let’s go down, come on down
Oh sisters lets go down
Let’s go down, come on down.

Show me the way.