"I'm going to finish him like a cheesecake": Pitch Perfect and Self-Deprication

“Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness.” -Margaret Cho

I’ve been reflecting over the last two blogs I’ve posted about fat shaming, online dating, perceptions of bisexuality, and the degradation of women solely due to the anonymity of the online forum. 

I find it fascinating that my most popular posts thus far have been the unapologetically righteously angry ones.  I don’t think the writing is necessarily any better (although it is in a different form), and the subject certainly has the potential to be offensive.  For awhile I couldn’t really understand why everyone seemed to like that one more than everything else I’ve written, until this past weekend.

I recently watched Pitch Perfect.  If you aren’t aware of the film, it’s about competition a capella groups in college, and particularly focuses on one group: the Bellas, an all female group.  I was delightfully surprised at some of the smart and witty comedy throughout the dialogue (although I had some problems with the racial representations, particularly of the Asian-American characters.)  Another character caught my attention: Fat Amy.  “Your name is really Fat Amy?” “Yeah, I say it first so you skinny bitches don’t get a chance.”

Fat Amy has all of the best lines, in my opinion.  She also has some equally problematic lines, like “I’m going to finish him like a cheesecake,” and when everyone is running around the auditorium, you find Amy laying down in the risers to which she says “I’m horizontal running.” 

I love having a confident and prominent fat character in the film that even becomes a romantic attraction to one of the other male a capella singers; however, in order for her to become so she also has to be self-depreciating and entirely stereotypical of a fat person (loves sweets, hates exercise, etc.)

Unfortunately, the media (and as an extension, our culture), is not ready to accept a confident, beautiful, normal-eating-habits, social, sexual, successful, intelligent, all around positive fat woman character, despite their prominent existence in real culture.    

I’ve been nearly naked on stage (lace bra, nylon stockings, and nothing else). Last weekend, I showed up to a party (the theme was inappropriately sexy, and my costume was sexy Paula Deen), in a sexy bra, a very tiny skirt, and an apron.  I feel entirely confident to do so, because I am comfortable in my skin, but it doesn’t stop the shock, the looks, the stares, the comments, and the whispers, because it is so unacceptable in our culture to see fat in lingerie.

I had a conversation with Donna Noble about this a few days ago, because I’m just tired of all of it. After explaining my frustrations she said, “You know, you’re right.  It’s not fair.  I’ve considered doing some dating myself, and just like you I’m fine with who I am, but I know for a fact that all of it would be easier if I weighed less, and that kinda makes me want to do it less, because it’s not right.” 

And she’s right, the petulant child in my brain says “Fine. Be that way. I’m just going to sit here and NOT DO ANYTHING! I don’t CARE! –sticks tongue out-“

The honest truth is, if I could do something about it, I might (although I’m not sure, given my current attitude towards it all).  Unfortunately, my metabolism and genetics are petulant children as well. 

“Donna Noble, I know all of that, and I’ve thought about that too, and I don’t really want to change me. I like me.  I’m actually very comfortable in my body.  But I’m angry that not one person has the balls (or ovaries, whatever) to be like ‘hey, I like you, here are some flowers, can I take you to dinner?’  And I mean, in all seriousness, a serious relationship is probably not in the cards right now, what with the thesis and the past relationship scar tissue, but I don’t think I’m asking for much.  I mean, let me tell you something, nobody has ever bought me flowers.  Not even Pat.”

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I’m not letting you all into this conversation because I want a pity party for myself.  I’m making the point here that fatness has an incredible impact on the way you are viewed and treated in our culture, regardless of any other quality you may possess (intelligence, confidence, other conventional standards of beauty, education, charisma, wealth, etc.).  It is all null and void if you are fat, according to our culture.  In fact, the only way you can get around that, so says media, is if you acknowledge that your other attributes are null and void, and become self-hating.  Being proud of who you are? Absolutely not. 

In fact, this, I believe is the reason my last two posts were the most read.  There is something about fat shaming that people seem to identify with, because everyone is self-conscious in some regard.  Online dating, unfortunately magnifies that times a thousand, because you have anonymity and distance.  There are no consequences to ignoring someone because they look fat in their picture, or by replying in a message “you don’t really have the body type I’m looking for,” or “are you DTF? I’m into all body types, so it’s cool.” 

So my challenge to all of you: look beyond it. You might say “I do!” Most likely, you don’t. I mean really look beyond it.

Here’s your test: Find a fat person.  What makes that person beautiful/handsome/attractive?

If everything on that list is about their personality, you fail.

(“Hey, Ani, that’s pretty shallow.”) No, actually that makes you shallow. If you can’t find one physical thing about a person that is beautiful/handsome/attractive if they are fat, it means you can’t look at a person physically if he or she is fat. That is shallowness, because it means the only physical attribute you can identify as attractive is being thin or built.  Go forth! Look beyond. I dare you.